Last month, Mail Online was declared the most read news source in the world. We should celebrate this with some of the things that the Daily Mail lack: wit, humour and a first class bit of script. The script locally (i.e. your browser only – nothing criminal) hijacks the Daily Mail’s frontpage  and injects  it with randomised headlines. The script will remain installed until you remove it from the extensions menu (under options). Every single time the Daily Mail website is loaded you (or your unsuspecting Daily Mail enthusiast) will see the day’s Daily Mail homepage as normal except with randomly scrambled headlines. The result is a unique, computer generated satirical masterpiece, every single time you press refresh. The script is otherwise invisible and will work with Chrome or Firefox (sorry IE users).

The script doesn’t require any programming knowledge at all. If your target is using chrome it’s a one-click operation. If you’re using Firefox you’ll need to install Greasemonkey first (also a one-click installation). After you run the script you’re free to leave the scene, shutdown the computer and wait until your target loads the dailymail.co.uk all by themselves. You can refresh a hundred times and you’ll still be laughing (or crying).

Happy Valentines!

With Love,

@Neurobonkers

PS: Hashtag #OccupyMailOnline

Daily Mail Takeover Daily Mail Satirical Headline ScramblerOccupyMailOnline1 Daily Mail Satirical Headline Scrambler

If you’re worried about running an unknown script, read the code for yourself in a text reader, it’s comedy gold.

Neurobonkers is not responsible for what happens when you use this script or the consequences when your friend, coworker, or (if you’re very brave), boss finds out.

Credit to Qwghlm and Gingerninja. 2012 update by Neurobonkers.

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Check out my article in the New Journalist. I have decided to publish this piece with TNJ because they aspire to work under the three principles that the Daily Mail lack so severely, “accuracy, honesty and integrity”. See you after the jump.

The New Journalist Just ONE Copy of The Daily Mail Could Ruin Your Life

Update (03/03/2012): More evidence that the Daily Mail can ruin your life from Thursday’s Daily Mail letters page:

Sick of it all Just ONE Copy of The Daily Mail Could Ruin Your Life
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Two years ago Oxford University neuroscientist Prof. Dorothy Bishop established the Orwellian Prize for Journalistic Misrepresentation for the worst misrepresentation of a scientific article in a national newspaper, judged according to the number of factual errors in the piece.

Paul Dacre Daily Mail Winner of the Orwellian Award for Journalistic Misrepresentation1 Daily Mail Editor Paul Dacre Wins Orwellian Prize for Journalistic Misrepresentation over Just One Cannabis Joint Can Bring On Scizophrenia

This year, my nomination of the Daily Mail’s article “Just ONE cannabis joint ‘can bring on schizophrenia’ as well as damaging memory” won the award! The prize, normally reserved for the journalist authoring the piece, was awarded to Paul Dacre, editor of the Daily Mail, because of the number of errors in the headline which is the responsibility of the editor and is normally not written by the journalist writing the piece.

This allows the Daily Fail to continue to spew out complete nonsense without risk of reprisals, only last week publishing a piece misappropriating a death to cannabis, that the coroner explicitly stated was not due to cannabis.

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Daiy Mail Demolition Squad LikeBox 100 Daily Mail Demolition #2Last month I ran the first Daily Mail demolition, a detailed research based smackdown of every fraudulent claim in the Daily Mail’s piece “Just one cannabis joint can bring on schizophrenia” (which has now mysteriously been retitled “Just ONE cannabis joint ‘can cause psychiatric episodes similar to schizophrenia” yet hasn’t corrected the fact that the research cited was about a completely differnt drug). I have also submitted the piece for the Orwellion Prize for Journalistic Misrepresentation, hold tight for the annual prize draw next week!

 Daily Mail Killed by Cannabis Daily Mail Demolition #2

In today’s edition the Daily Mail responds to this week’s debate on drugs with what can only be described as a juvenile and fraudulent argument.

To sum up the past couple of days:

So what did the Daily Mail run with today? This time my commentary is not even needed. I’ve simply taken the liberty of literally highlighting the blindingly obvious flaw in this ridiculous excuse for a news article.

In case you somehow missed the staggering (excuse the pun) error. The coroners verdict was death by “misadventure”, the coroner explicitly stated that cannabis wasn’t the direct cause of death and instead implicated the popular legal alternative, alcohol.

 

Is this really the best that the pro-drugs-war camp can offer? This, against all of the evidence. This scrap of blatant deception, in defence of a policy that causes untold misery, death, unnecessary incarceration, spread of disease, incentive for crime, currency for criminals, violence at home and abroad, the list goes on.

 

Make your complaint with the Press Complaints Commission about this piece here. Receive updates on Daily Mail pieces particularly in need of demolition here.

 

Hughes CE, & Stevens A (2012). A resounding success or a disastrous failure: Re-examining the interpretation of evidence on the Portuguese decriminalisation of illicit drugs. Drug and alcohol review, 31 (1), 101-13 PMID: 22212070

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Nun cancer1 Nuns, Sex, Breast Cancer & Bullshit [NSFW]Yesterday, the consistently outstanding Neuroskeptic blogged on a suspect oncology paper published last week in the “Breast Journal” where it seems standards may be slipping…

“There are 15 references, but they’re all about sex, not cancer.”

Neuroskeptic

 

The paper makes the case that sexual frustration can result in genetic mutation but fails to provide any evidence to support the claim. The paper is a perfect case study of how not to do science. There are of course references, they just fail to be present for any of the fundamental arguments the paper makes, instead appearing to support those sentences that state the bleeding-obvious and the barely relavent.

Nun cancer 400 Nuns, Sex, Breast Cancer & Bullshit [NSFW]

Stuger, J. (2011). An Essay on Sexual Frustration as the Cause of Breast Cancer in Women: How Correlations and Cultural Blind Spots Conceal Causal Effects. The Breast Journal

I’ll wager a bet that this completely speculative research will be reported uncritically, as dramatic “findings” and of course, without a proper reference when the story is covered by the tabloids. It will be interesting (perhaps interesting is the wrong word) to see how the Daily Mail covers this story, in their ongoing quest to “classify inanimate objects in to two types: those that cause cancer, and those that cure it”, the Daily Mail have claimed cancer is caused by (amongst hundreds of other things): blowjobs, sex and of course.. teenage sex. I’m fairly sure they won’t turn down the opportunity to report a “shocking new finding” that turns the story around and throws breasts and nuns in to the mix!

Apologies to those of you who read my blog at work… this article is sooo never going to get through your web filter. Oh and I should probably add that there is certainly no conflict of interest here, I believe sex is great, cancer is terrible, and sexual frustration is, erm, most definitely best avoided. I wish I could write a piece championing this research, I really do. The science is just too, damn, bad.

Stuger, J. (2011). An Essay on Sexual Frustration as the Cause of Breast Cancer in Women: How Correlations and Cultural Blind Spots Conceal Causal Effects The Breast Journal DOI: 10.1111/j.1524-4741.2011.01206.x

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